10 Things Dana White Could Mean When He Said, "I Got Something In The Works That You Will Never Fucking See Coming, For 2025"
I'm not much of a UFC guy, but I can speculate wildly about it. We all know that Dana White is capable of anything. He's nothing if not a risk taker. If Dana White says the fans will never fucking see it coming, then I'm as good of a person as anybody to hazard some guesses.
UFC Podcast
- It would be very funny if Dana White hyped up something as "you will never fucking see coming", then the announcement was that he's starting a podcast. "Where Dana White sits down for an honest conversation fighters to give fans an inside look at what it's really like to be a UFC fighter". The most seen coming thing of all-time
New Weight Class
- I wouldn't hate to see some 300+ pounders get in the mix. When humans get to a certain level of fat, the fights are always shit. Happens in Rough n' Rowdy all the time. People get excited to see a couple behemoths go at it in the ring, but the second the fight starts you realize they're physically unable to throw anything that could classified as a punch, and they just end up rubbing bellies for a few minutes.
As currently structured, UFC heavyweights are cut off at 265 pounds. But there are bigger guys who can move. I know there's dudes out there built like NFL lineman who touch 300 and could put on a show
Bare-Knuckle Fighting
- Violence sells. Blood sells. UFC fighters are basically wearing Sock'em Boppers on their hands. If UFC doesn't keep pace violence-wise then some day it's liable to be passed by a bloodier more viscous fight league.
Bear-Human Fighting
- Obviously you can't just throw a UFC fighter into the octagon with a live bear. He'd have to work his way up first. It goes pit bull, chimpanzee, some type of jungle cat, black bear, and if they make it through all of those animals without dying in the ring, or being assassinated by PETA, they get to challenge a grizzly. It will most likely be their last fight, but it'll be an honorable way to go out.
UFC Senior Division
- The worst part of the UFC is seeing aging fighters attempt to cling to their careers and get pummeled by younger fighters in a league where they can no longer hang. It's sad to watch. Because you know they could take more punches. If there were a well-respected senior division of the UFC, then we wouldn't have to watch fighters like Nate Diaz hang up the gloves so early. They could continue their professional fighting careers well into their 40's. Possibly 50's.
UFC Youth Division
- Never too early to get kids started fighting. People will probably say it's "unsafe", or that it's "exploiting children". But Khabib was fighting bears as a 9-year old kid and look how he turned out? Nothing wrong with that guy. There are benefits to fighting young. Kids will have proper fighting techniques engrained into them from a young age. In many ways, suffering a brain injury as a child is better than suffering one as an adult. It's like when a kid loses an arm. He spends his formative years living as a one-armed person, so by the time he's an adult he's able to do most everything a two-armed person can do. But if you lose an arm as an adult you're fucked. It's the same with brains. If a child's brain is damaged young, he'll grow up learning to deal with the challenges of CTE and will be better prepared to live life as a brain damaged adult.
UFC Trans Division
- I know this might not agree with Dana White's politics, but Michael Jordan once said, "Republicans buy sneakers too". The phrase also works in reverse. Not to mention, by starting a professional trans fighting league, Dana White would solve a major political issue. He'd be providing M-to-F athletes with a platform to compete on a level playing field. Maybe Dana White transitions himself and fights in the trans-senior division. They'd call him Dana White. That's something nobody would fucking see coming.
Slap Fighting But With Kicks
- Dana White seems really committed to not admitting that his slap fighting league kinda sucks. There's just no way Power Slap is actually going to take off as currently structured. Maybe the problem is it's not barbaric enough. If instead of going slap for slap, fighters went kick for kick. Roundhouse for roundhouse. If Dana signed some hot Rockettes' to take turns punting each other faces. That might turn Dana's whole league around (although they will have to compete with Ultimate Dick Kicking)
Anything Elon Musk Related
- Jokes aside there's like a 50% shot this is the case
Fight at The White House
- Donald Trump hosting a UFC event on the White House Lawn would be the most American thing he's done since getting shot in the head. UFC could put their most pro-America fighters on the card. Colby Covington, Sean Strickland, Conor McGregor. Have them all walk out to Kid Rock doing the National Anthem. It would be the most American event in the history of sports. They'll exclusively face fighters from Russia or the Middle East. Or any fighter who's vibe is kinda terroristy. It would be the most American event in the history of professional sports.